Okay, WordPress. Thank you for unlocking this memory that I’ve struggled so much to forget.

Have you ever been in love? Like real love, not this thing people call “love” nowadays? I’m talking about the love that makes you see beauty even in the way a person breathes, to observe their gestures and find poesy in them, to look at their smile and feel a sweet taste deep in your soul. That’s love; that’s what I felt.

Well. I can tell you I know how it feels to love a woman this way and also how painful it is to realize she will never be in my life.

Everything started years ago. I saw her and instantly knew she was “the one.” Her way, her voice, her personality—everything about her enchanted me. But there was a problem: I had nothing to offer her. Not enough money to give her a good life, comforts, and a future. In life, there are things that have a price tag and things that have value. But I only had the last one—love.

But since I knew her parents would never accept me, I never dared to approach her to tell her about my feelings toward her. Instead, I started working even harder on my book, expecting it would be a hit and allow me to approach her more confidently. But little did I know that this book thing takes time.

It was so much time that it was enough for me to see her starting to date, get enganged, and marry another man. The whole process devasted me. It felt like losing a chunk of my soul every day. It was such a devasting experience that for a few months I thought I’d not come alive out of it (if you know what I mean).

However, there’s a saying that goes like this: “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” And now that I lost the person who was everything to me, I feel free to keep working on my projects without the pressure of having to make it asap. Besides that, I also feel that now I am prepared to face any losses and challenges. I definitely got out of this whole emotional mess stronger, more mature, realistic, and with my feet solidly stuck on the ground.

I hope someday I’ll fall in love this way again, but I confess I feel a little bit afraid of having another wild emotional ride. But “love casts out fear” right? So I think I will have to eventually bite this bullet.

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